Quarter-Life Crisis...

Lately I've been having what I've dubbed my "quarter-life crisis". Yes, I'm probably being overly dramatic but I imagine this sort of questioning and self-evaluation is exactly the sort of stuff a mid-life crisis would be made of. I met with the "guidance committee" the other day. They are the committee on base that is appointed to oversee staff entry and exit, amongst other things. I met with them to discuss the end of my commitment here. It was hard to even talk to them about it because I get very emotional whenever I think of leaving this base, California, and YWAM in general. As many of you know I'm coming back to Canada to start school again in the fall. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely excited about school and being back in Canada but there is always sadness associated to the end of any sesason, especially one which I've loved so much and in which I've grown so much.

I have been learning a lot about myself over the past month. Being a school leader has confirmed a few things in me, and revealed some others. I love what I'm doing. I didn't think I'd love it this much. I loved planning the school, preparing to have the students come, and having so many young people here hungry to be discipled. I even enjoy the leadership aspects that aren't always fun because it's on opportunity to grow and learn more. I am sensing the grace of God on me daily. One surprising thing that I've learnt and started accepting about myself is that I am gifted in the area of administration. It's not glamorous, but I enjoy it. 

All this to say that I cannot (or am having a hard time) imagining myself not ever doing this again. This is where the crisis aspect of my life comes in. I've been seeking God daily for what I'm going to be doing once my one year of school is done. There are so many options! I've been straining to find the perfect fit that encapsulates all my passions and my giftings, and frankly I've come up dry. I was talking to one my friends and fellow co-workers here yesterday about all of this and he shared with me something that helped me immensely. 

He believes that there are three kinds of people. Some with "vocational" callings, some with "location" callings, and some who are called to "assignments." We are all called to bring the kingdom of God wherever we are. Those with vocational callings are perhaps called to be engineers, or pastors, or teachers, all for God's glory. Those with location callings have a real heart for a certain country or people group and are called to work there or be in full-time ministry there. Then there are those with assignments callings on their lives. These people may seem like they hop from one thing to another, but in reality God is directing them from one task to another. I have an assignment calling on my life, at least right now. I know there are certain things that I cannot deny. I am called to lead, I am passionate about God's heart for justice, I am committed to discipleship, and I am passionate about seeing people move into their God given callings. Certain aspects of these giftings will be utilized in different times in my life. What that will look like right now, I cannot say. This is where my frustration has come in lately. Rather than trusting that God isn't unsure I have become impatient wanting to know it all now.

So all that I can do now is wait and trust that as I seek His face God will reveal himself to me. I'm excited for what's to come. I can't wait to hear what my next assignment is, and in the meantime, I'm learning to rest in the season that I am currently in and enjoy it for all it is. 

All changes, even he most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. -Anatole France