Humbled by the Storm of Life.

As per my last two blogs, I've been quite busy over the past few months getting ready to move down to California. Often times all the details associated with moving to a different country and leaving everything I know and am "comfortable" with has left me quite stressed. I hate to admit it, but the focus has often easily shifted from this exciting oppurtunity God has given me to all that I need to take care of before I go. Because most of these details are mundane and administrative in nature, it is easy to chalk them up as "unspiritual" and to leave God out of the equation. Today, that mentality was really brought to light in my life.
I had been feeling pretty good about myself. Having taken care of most of the things I needed to attend to before leaving for Quebec next monday, I was feeling a relative peace about my preparation progress. It was shortly after setting my own mind at east that I received some news about something that I had misunderstood. I needed to amend some of the things that I had already taken care of and also quickly think of a solution to this problem. Though this was not a major setback by any means, I immediately felt anxious about the situation. Actually, it wasn't only about the specific situation that I began feeling anxiety, but about much more significant issues. Because I did not include God in the process the moment this situation arose, the enemy jumped on the oppurtunity to make it out to be worse than it was.
Although I wish I could say I realized all of this right away and went to God in humility and asked for His grace, forgiveness, and help, I can't. It wasn't until we were seated at the dinner table some hours later (after I had taken all necessary steps to rectify the situation all the while stressing about everything) that Neil (my best friend's dad) asked me why I was so stressed. I explained all the details to him, and he reassured me that it wasn't a big deal. Not understanding why I was in such a state about it, he asked me if I was praying about it and asking God to help me deal with it the best way possible. A few hours later as we were sitting in the living room he again asked me if I was involving God in this situation.
Let me tell you a little something about God. He knows me, and so He knows that I'm not the quickest at getting the hint, or maybe I'm just stuborn and prideful. So it was no coincidence that Neil felt compeled to bring up the fact that maybe I ought to involved God in this situation let alone rely on Him 100%. That's a mistake I so easily make. It seems so easy to put our lives in auto-pilot, stopping to rely on God only when things get too difficult to navigate on our own. That's not the kind of life I want to live, and least of all, that's not the kind of relationship I want to have with my heavenly Father.
A few hours after having this conversation, I picked up my guitar to see if I couldn't build up a few calouses before trying to play in Quebec for anybody but an audience of me. As I began playing some of my favorite worship songs, I found myself entering into a place of worship with God. As I was singing to Him it began raining outside. I'm not just talking little rain. I'm talking howling wind, rain drops hitting the window panes hard, lighting that makes it look like daylight for that brief second or two, and thunder that rumbled the house. For the second time this evening I was humbled. There was one crack of thunder that literally scared me. I found myself thinking in that moment "God is bigger than this storm."
That may not sound like a revolutionary thought, but it was just what I needed to hear. The God of the universe, the one that I had been pridefully forgetting to include in my life for the past week, the one that created rain, lightning, and ferociously loud thunder, the one to whom I was singing to on my guitar was speaking to me. He was trying to get my attention. In that moment I was humbled. My humanity came face to face with God's divinity. When that happens you can only respond in humility and understand that we are so utterly dependant on God for who we are. When I try to take things into my own hands (even the things I think I may be an expert at, or capable to handle) I am robbing myself of the goodness God longs to offer me.

"I am the only one to blame for this, somehow it all ends up the same. Soaring on the wings of selfish pride and I flew too high, and like Icharus I collide...I look beyond the empty cross, forgetting what my life has cost...More and more I need you now, I need you more each passing hour. The battle between grace and pride, I gave up not too long ago. So steal my heart and take the pain, and wash the feet and cleanse the pride. Take the selfish, take the weak...my sinful soiled heart, make it pure. Take my world, it all is yours. Take it now, take it now."
- Jars of Clay (Worlds Apart)